Be Yourself; It’s Highly Encouraged – Epic Financial Journey

You Want to be Like Who?

I’ve always considered myself to be an average person. In all honesty, I would even classify myself as fairly boring. For most of my adult life I’ve spent the majority of my time working (or on work-related activities) and hanging around the house watching tv, reading, or wasting time on social media. I never had an “exciting” life like so many others my age who frequently traveled, dined at fine restaurants, went to extravagant clubs/bars, or even had busy social lives. My social circle itself was always relatively small, so this did not help my case either.

With this background in mind, I was completely shocked when a friend told me that she aspired to be like me – “financially independent with energy, health, and zest for life”.

This came from a woman who was a decade younger than me, yet she had already achieved so much more and done so much more than I ever had – she has a great job, reached 7-figure net worth in her mid-30s, consistently travels both domestically & internationally, and recently held a destination wedding halfway around the world in New Zealand. Looking at her life, she has the world in the palm of her hands with such a bright future.

If anything, I actually wanted to be more like her – highly driven & motivated to achieve her goals, a sense for adventure, one of the kindest people I know, and of course all at a younger age.

Jealousy, Jealousy

I think it’s comically ironic that we each wanted to be more like the other! Although funny, this situation is not unique and has a name that most people are probably familiar with – “Keeping Up With the Joneses”. A couple classic definitions of this term are “feeling a need to spend as much and as conspicuously as friends, neighbors, work colleagues” or “showing that one is as good as other people by getting what they have and doing what they do”. Almost every time I hear this phrase being used it’s in a completely negative context; someone having to spend money unnecessarily or doing something needlessly to be perceived as something they’re not. In many cases our thoughts and actions are fueled by jealousy or the desire to be better than others (insert Olivia Rodrigo “Jealousy, Jealousy” lyrics here).

How to be Ourselves

So how can we deal with situations where we find ourselves comparing our own selves to others? There are a few solutions that I’ve found work best – Internal Benchmarking, Drawing Inspiration from Others, and Surrounding Yourself With A Supportive Cast.

Internal Benchmarking – Goal-setting in life should be a personal activity, yet many of us look to others to help influence what we want. Instead of prioritizing our own preferences & aspirations, we look elsewhere because others have “better goals” or they’re living “better lives”. Instead of focusing on what would make us individually happy we get caught up in pursuing what we think makes others happy. One way to combat this is to tune out the noise and focus on ourselves – we need to be selfish with our goals. Morgan Housel describes this as “an emphasis on internal vs. external benchmarks” where we should ask the question, “Would I be happy with this result if no one other than me and my family could see it, and I didn’t compare the result to the appearance of other people’s success?” Morgan goes on to say that “once you stop playing the game your attention instantly shifts internally, to what makes you and your family happy and fulfilled.” Focusing on what we value and our own internal benchmarks leads to greater happiness because there is no longer a need to live up to other people’s expectations or what may make them happy.
Drawing Inspiration from Others – Do we need to ALWAYS keep to ourselves and benchmark internally or is it okay to look to others from time-to-time? Sometimes we just don’t know what we don’t know based on our limited life experiences. It’s perfectly acceptable to add external elements into our lives; we just need to be careful & selective of what they are & what our own motivations may be. Do we want something out of pure jealousy or is it something truly amazing that we know will bring fulfillment to us as well? As Austin Kleon describes it in his book “Steal Like an Artist”, it’s perfectly acceptable to copy ideas from others because there’s no such thing as complete originality; the concept is to take influence from others, become inspired by it, build on what’s already been done, then make it your own through unique conceptualization & execution. Instead of imitating someone solely out of envy or just for the sake of it, look at what others are doing and figure out how something similar (yet possibly unique) may or may not be worth pursuing.
Surrounding Yourself With A Supportive Cast – Whether you’re consciously aware of it or not, the people you surround yourself with provide a strong influence. We tend to lead similar lives with similar goals & habits as those around us and also tend to make similar lifestyle choices. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn sums it up perfectly: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Whether those in our lives provide a positive or negative influence is based on the type of people we choose to associate with. Do we find ourselves surrounded by others who are constantly “Keeping Up With the Joneses”, in-turn driving us to become jealous and wanting unnecessary things in life? Or do we find ourselves surrounded by those who can help nurture what we find uniquely & personally important? When choosing the latter option, the best choice may be finding a mentor (either official or unofficial) who is further along the financial journey or has experience that we don’t yet have ourselves. Another good option is to find a community of peers that have similar goals & values so that we can find our way together. As mentioned before, our mission here at Epic Financial Journey is to be that community for anyone who needs it; our desire is to help others on their personal journeys to Fnancial Independence – whether as a friend/confidant or someone to learn from.

Moving Towards a Unique Future

Like most people, I am not immune to seeing things that others have and wanting them for myself. I have to remind myself often to heed my own advice and remember President Teddy Roosevelt’s famous quote “Comparison is the thief of joy”. I know that I have worked hard to build a life unique to me & my family and should be proud of it instead of building a life that may be visually appealing to others on a surface-level.

Revisiting the situation with my friend, I believe that both of us were looking at each other’s situations with only good intentions. Due to mutual respect and our personalities, I truly feel that instead of having these thoughts out of pure jealousy, we were having these thoughts out of pure motivation. We saw different aspects of each other’s lives that were beneficial and that we felt could enhance our own lives. Instead of competing with one another or tearing each other down in order to be the best, we have a desire to help each other incorporate these new things.

It will definitely be interesting to look back in a few years to see how each of us moves forward, what ideas & goals we copy from each other, but also how unique our lives turn out.

Links/Resources

Reader Questions

Have you ever been in a “Keeping Up With the Joneses” situation?
Are there others in your life that you look to for inspiration? If so, what elements of their life have you tried to incorporate into yours?

Leave your answers or comments below – or email us directly at info@epicfinancialjourney.com